I hate The Star

In Malaysia, the most popular paper that the public buys for their daily read is called The Star.

And I hate it.

But it didn't use to be that way. Sometime ago my family only read chinese newspapers as it was the language my family was most fluent with. Then one day, saying that we need to better our english, my mom brought back a copy of New Straits Times, an english newspaper that was quite popular at the time. And since then my family has been buying both chinese and english newspapers almost daily.

Over time, sales of New straits time dwindled and the Star is now officially THE newspaper for the public of Malaysia.

And I hate it. I hate it with a fucking VENGEANCE.

But I used to like it. I used to like reading the Star, I thought that the articles were interesting, well written, and the graphic design was pretty decent, with nice use of typefaces and shit. I thought it was the best english newspaper in print in Malaysia, and it was part of my daily reading appetite.

This was a few months ago. A few days ago was reading the Sunday Star paper, which like most sunday papers, is extra thick and filled with juicy 'variety' articles in addition to the usual news and sports. It had articles about health, parental life, horoscopes, and music reviews. Normally I'd never never miss out a sunday Star as the music reviews are especiallly well done, featuring albums and artists that get alot less coverage than the usual mainstream pop variety. But that faithful Sunday I read all of the music reviews featured in the paper, and I have since taken a vow to NEVER EVER read the Star again. Since well, the only reason I read the star is for the reviews. News and shit I can find online, and sports news is available everywhere.

Anyway, heres the said page of music reviews.


Should be any chance that after reading those reviews you feel that the writer was ' absolutely right' or that somehow you thought that those were well written articles, you should now immediately look yourself in the mirror and re-evaluate your principles of life.

You should be shot for thinking something even as remotely idiotic as that.



To illustrate how idiotic these reviews are, I shall now quote one of the articles, specifiaclly the britney spears review, reviewed by someone with a name as 'cool' and 'hip' as ... JT.

She is a grown woman with a family, and wether or not you admit it, her music has grown with her. - JT

Yeah? How bout this asshole?

Her breast are probably fake and wether you admit or not, her music sucks.
- jingwei

Heres another classic from the same article.

She is no longer the sweet Catholic school girl with pigtailswho brewed up a storm at her school hall. - JT

Seriously, what the FUCK are you talking about? Britney's been a slut for as long as I can remember, and even when she was 'just a sweet catholic girl' her songs had no other ppurpose than to lure guys(and girls) into the record store and suck out all their money from their pockets like the whore that she is. Catholic school girl would be the old Cahrlotte Church. Britney James Spearson is an ex-mickey mouse club idiot who doesn't even know it when she's been used and exploited by men in suits. Bitch.


And here's a bit about the songs in the album.

The remixed versions of Toxic, Im a Slave 4 U, and Touch of my hand are entrancing. Seriously, they are like spells that make you get up and dance for no reason. - JT

How should I go about this one... oh, how about the fact that he uses the word 'seriously' like he just made a joke, but didn't really seem like a joke because it was too convincing and sounded too fake that you really wanted to punch him in the face after reading that sentence? Idiot. And there's the song title, Im a Slave 4 U. Am I the only one irritated by the use of stupid leetspeak here? Did it really make the song sounded "cooler" "and Hipper"?

No, you bastards. It only make it sound more fake than it already is. See? by the time this song came out Britney had no problem ditching all her 'goody-goody girl' image and go for the slut/whore/bitch facade. Fucking idiot.

Man I get so pissed when writing about britney. Here's the last part of the review.

Overall, this sounds like a cross between Janet Jackson and Maddona's albums, which was probably intended because these are Britney's idols. Great Party Music!
-JT

Right. Last and not least, don't forget that this album was ripped-off two of Britney's favourite artists! So it probably sounds alot like them! What a way to promote the album's unoriginality. And yet the bastard gave the blbim a 70/100. Let's not even forget the CD's horrible, horrible name, B in the mix: Remixes.

I've written quite alot but I'm FAR from done. the other review I'd like to talk about is the reivew of Juice: The real Taste of Hip Hop Grooves. Reviewed by what has GOT to be the absolute WORST name in all of reviewing history, Mack DA Knife. It's not cool, it's sounds more like a poser gang's name rather than a reviewer's name, and it totally sucks ass. Donkey Ass that is. I'll start by quoting the review's first sentence.

Some of the stuff on this album is so old it ain't evn hip no more!
- MACK DA KNIFE

Straight after reading that sentence I knew this was going to be a horrible, horrible review. Since when did good hip-hop had anything to do with being hip? The best hip-hop I've heard so far was released at least five years ago, with the exception of OutKast, since they're classic, and will never be, according to "MACK DA KNIFE', not hip. In fact, when did good music had anything to do being new? Most of the stuff I hear on the Radio sucks shit anyway. But I digress. Getting back to the reivew.....

I mean, can a hoodlum go wrong with Coolio's Gangsta Paradise? Even if it was ( or perhaps because it was!) ripped off Stevie Wonder's Pastime Paradise, it's still one of THE definitive rap-tracks of the 1990's. - MACK DA KNIFE

Now I don't really know about Coolio's Gangsta Paradise, or Stevie Wonder's Pastime Paradise, but any song that shamelessly samples another song and try to ride on it's success (Shaggy's Angel, and Eminem's MJ billy jean rip-off, for example) deserves to fucking burn in hell. I'm okay with covers, as long as the cover artist doesn't sound too pretentious and adds a little flavour of it's own to the song, but sampling however, is an entirely different matter altogether that I shall not even discuss here. Suffice to say that I absolutely HATE sampled songs. Or it could be a parody, now that I think of it, but that doesn't mean that this review doesn't suck ass!

In addition to that, the Great MACK DA KNIFE ( I'm sure he would be proud to be known as that moniker) goes on to use such "cool" words like"dawg", " struttin' "(thank god he didn't use strut'n) and even the phrase" I gotta say" which sound too cnversational for a review. Looks like he doesn;t know that using words like these in a newspaper will make the entire newspaper, sound, and feel like a poser ah beng/ ah lian.

Not content with letting the Great MDK( his abbreviation, not mine) destroy the integrity of the entire music review crew with that one review, the idiot editors of the Star decided to use ANOTHER one of his atrocious reviews in the paper. This time it's a CD with another ridicuous name, perhaps THE most ridiculous name since forever. Hip Hop You don't stop: Mixed by The Jakeman of Hitz.fm and Skeletor. From the name you can kinda guess that this CD is gonna suck, because aside from it's idiotic name, the CD had to resort to putting the mixer's name in the CD title. Thats like saying that your fried kuey tiao is the best in the world even though it isn't, or more accurately, like the chinese stalls in food courts that have a name of a place in front of their stall name. You just KNOW that their food is gonna suck. For example. Penang Chao Kuey Tiao, or Klang Bah Kut Teh, or Kajang Satay, because REAL good food stalls don't need the inane publicity provided by the pointless names.

Anyway, back to the article. I would like to quote the first sentence of his reviews again, since they're all such classics.

The person who named this album is spot on....'cos it really doesn't stop!
- MACK DA KNIFE

Oh boy, is that supposed to be a pun, or a bad joke? 'Cos it really did annoy the hell out of me. Fuck off and die you asshole. He then proceeded to say that the album is Horrible, he gave it a 20/100. But wait! I'd also like to quote another one of his oh-so-classic phrases.

Don't get me wrong, this album isn't really nasty. In fact, Right up to track 10, the album sounded pretty okay.- MACK DA KNIFE

Really? Then why the low score, douchebag? Infact, judging by that sentence alone, you imply that at least half of the album is good, shouldn't it be getting like a 50 or something? I swear man, how did this guy even get a fucking job for chrissakes?

And here's my FAVOURITE sentence of all MACK DA KNIFE's reviews.

What's with "Skeletor" anyway? Does the boy really wanna sound like a throwback to a cheesy 1980s cartoon? -MACK DA KNIFE

First off, you are in no position to make ANY sort of judgement, "MACK DA KNIFE", and secondly who cares? I think this quote is SUCH an example of his/her(you never know these days) idiocy that I've decided to snap up my own version of it.

What's with MACK DA KNIFE anyway? Does that boy/girl really want to sound like his own name sucks so he/she has to hide behind a stupid and idiotic pseudonym that sounds like it's written lby a preschooler? - jingwei

In closing, I only have two things to say to you, JT and MACK DA KNIFE, but more so to MACK DA KNIFE 'cos he pisses me off more, but that doesn't mean you don't suck JT. First is Quit your job and at LEAST learn to write intelligently. And secondly, Fuck off and DIE.

It's weird that the only reason that made me hate the STAR is these 2 dumbos, but it's true and it couldn't be true any other way. I hate the Star and will never read it again. Thanks to you two, for finally making me see how stupid the editors and writers of this newspaper really are.