I am a steel grating.

MY project for school. an assignment called emphatic projection.

As the clanging sounds of cold steel get louder and louder I relax myself. I tell myself that it's nothing. I try to calm myself down and I try to breathe. I close my eyes and I cross my heart, hope that I don't die.

Dear God I am so afraid.

Metal collides with metal as I feel the insides of my bossom turn, and submit, to the power of another. The feel of cold steel, pushing my guts, my essence, my soul to do what it refuses to, the process is quick, but it feels like the longest 3 seconds of my life. Then with a deffiant click, it is done. part 1, the appetizer, the overture. Then comes the building up of tension, my body is swung, I don't know how, or why, I just feel it. Creaking metal. And slam. My joints ache and writhe, I am too old for this. The 2nd part, and the ending, yet again clanging metal, I feel it again, the force of a will not of mine, touching me, caressing me, telling me it's all alright, sowing the seeds of hope that this time, it will not hurt.

Lies.

It turns, and it hurts. It hurts so bad. It hurts to feel used, to feel like a pawn whose only purpose, is to die. I feel my guts, with even more clarity this time, being turned again. This time in the reverse direction. The yang to the yin, black to white, left to right. Clanging metal, and I a feeling of relief washes over me, as the sword is sheethed again, and the victim, like loki bound at the centre of the earth after the bowl of poison has been poured unto him, awaits his fate, and though he knows how it will happen, for everytime it happens it is indifferent, he does not know when it will happen. He is a prosoner bound. Much... nay, exactly like me. Bond to the threads of his(my) fate, never to escape, never to defy, only pure obedience, for that is what the world expects of him(me) and we act, as it expects us to.


One might call this is torture, I call it the purpose of life.

I am a steel grating.

It is dawn now. I feel it. The sunrise, the warmth, a new day. but indifferent for it was a new day yesterday the day before tha, and the day before that the day before that. Dawn's twilight, darkness of Night. The concept of time is irrelevant to me. It is a new day, but it is also an old day. It is a day that has happened in the past, and it matters not to me. Yet again I hear the clanging of metal. I know my fate, I know the future, I know it is now. But no, today it seems, is slightly different than yesterday. I hear a new sound, less crisp, less defined, slightly more blunt, and a little more... organic. It is of a different element. And for the first time in my existence, I felt hope.

It spoke to me. It said hi. I was silent. I did not know how to react. This is all very, very new to me. And before I had a chance to realize that I have acted wrongly, it read my thoughts and responded accordingly. It said that it was a keychain. I was puzzled. I have never heard of such a thing. Previously I knew of me, the keys, and the pain. That was my life. Everyone's life. The world, the Universe. or so I thought. I expressed my views on this.

"keychain" chuckled humorously.I grew frustrated at this. It explained that it was normal for a newborn to feel and think that way. It spoke as if it saw through me, saw through my life. I was not happy at this. it then called out to the other members of it's entourage. The keys. The ones that caused the pain. They responded. Another new one! we gotta lighten im up! This one's even more uptight then the previous one!

Previous one? There are more of me? I pondered at the statement and wondered about wether this is true or not. For the first time I was aware that there maybe other enitites about me. Questions builded up. Curiousity raged in my mind, so many questions, so little time, and the pain is coming.

Sensing and acknowledging our lack of time, the keys and keychain instructed me to open my senses, take my mind away from the pain, use the pain as a gateway, to feel for other worlds, other beings, other planes. TO feel.

And here it comes. That which defined my existence(or so I thought), the only one reason I am here and my only salvation from the mundane. I stepped on the pain, leaping up, transcending it, feeling, light, happy, orgasmic. I felt the world. THe world was no longer made up of keys and locks and steel, I felt the planet, the air he water, and the wood. I felt the life. The balance and for the first time in my existenceI Im happy. I floated in the Sky for what seemed like an eternity, but I came back down, back in the lock back in my world.

No, this wasn't my world anymore, I have been shown the truth. Liberated, Freed, enlightened. I was.. something. A pice of a larger puzzle, and I liked it. To know that you are not the centre of misery, to transcend misery and pain, to overstep the boundary that defined my life, to break my horizon. I was broken, and remade, into what I am supposed to be.

I am a steel grating.

A warm up.

TO get myself warmed up i just type. Type something. Anything. Sometimes it's a good something. Most of the time such brainless fingerwork results in nothing but inane letters strung together by grammer and logics from a far off dimension only the most psuchotic mind could fathom. A fingerwork exercise. To prepare myself for the emphatic projection project coming up in say.... oh about 30 mins or so. I ahvent written a story in ages. The last time i wrote anything resembling a narrative was back in high school. And they don't call me the king of typo for nothing man. SO i type. As a prelude of the storm to come. This is just foreplay before the fucking, the overture before the symphony, the foreword, stage one, the first note, the first handshake, the packaging, but most of all, it's nothing.

Im ready. Or at least i think I am. The rain outside falls, amking indifferent splahes on our little world. The window gets blurry, and it's all like musi to me. I turn off winamp just to savour the moment. All of a sudden I feel like I'm ten again, before we moved, back when the house was still small. When everyone was just a call away, where everyone shared the same toilet, the same bathroom. We felt alot more connected to each opther back then. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we didn't move.

I wonder about things. Things that happened and why they happened. THings that will ahppen and how, when and to whom it will happen. But most of the time I wonder about the things that COULD have happen. Why they did not happen, and will they happen in the future. I like to wonder, to meander in the forest of unsewttling thoughts. It takes my mind off other, more sombre things like Life, Death, and everything in between. It makes me feel alive, and how much I love life.

snowism,

AH, lecturers and tutors.
WE as design students bend to their every whim(well almost).
WE often envision then as far off, magnificent entities.
distant and beautiful , not unlike angels. (Halos)
TO be admired, looked up upon, a mentor, a tutor and despite what they say, not really always a friend.
A faraway exixtence.
A group of individuals on a higher planes of existence, or maybe perhaps on a higher echelon of existence in the college hierarchy of idiots and psychoapths. :P
WHATEVER you call them, however you look at them, they represent what we hope to achieve in the future, or at least thats what the really good ones do.

There is often an invisible barrier between them and us, the barrier that seperates student and tutor, master apprentice, frog and swan, cocnut and tree, hairy and bald, etc etc.

ANd SOmetimes, though not often, barriers get broken down. Their image are forever changed for the rest of our college lives. One may be inclined to ask however, HOW do these barriers get broken down?

Well one example would be discovering your tutor's blog. or their friendster profile, or whatever. Another example would be seeing your lecturer's friendster profile, and.... laughing your fucking ass off after reading the info, or seeing the pics.

Today I discoevered snowism.com.

And lo and behold.

All I can say is.

ha.
Ha.
HA.

awesome blog though.
though buzy-ness has robbed her the ability to post regularly.

One barrier broken. alot more to go :P.
not that I care too much :)

stupid poem

everybody's emo. everybody's dead.
Im 20 this year, advertising isnt that great.
Why's it everyone i know is gone?
My head feels tired, God im pwned.

This rhymes. yay.
wrote this on friendster.
thought it was interesting.
so here it is.

everybody's emo. everybody's dead.
Im 20 this year, advertising isnt that great.
Why's it everyone i know is gone?
My head feels tired, God im pwned.

THis rhymes. yay.
wrote this on friendster.
thought it was interesting.
so here it is.

ahhhhhhh

these days the internet is fucking slow. It takes more than an hour sometimes to sign in to MSn. Blogger loads like a bitch with 55 fucking spare tires ries to her waist, and file transfers moved so slow That I wanna take a banana and stuff it up Tmnet's ass. Fucking assholes interestingly enough , the only websites that load as fast as they used to are porn websites, google, and not much else.

Assholes.

SO it's another wtf day. But i bought KH2 and suikoden 5 today. yay for me!!!!
though the ammount of submissions next week probably means that I won't have enough time to play much of either games.

About assignments. My fucking CV has been blocked by technical issues. It'll be a while before I can continue on with it. Fucking materials. One of the reasons I didn't go into product design.

Saw Pam today. And MY GOD she's skinny. I mean, She was Already skinnny last time, but now she looks like a freaking skeleton. Another reason why I didn't enter architecture. From what I hear is that the class is getting smaller and smaller each semester. Architecture. It does evil things to the mind, yes it does.

:P
I should be working.
Yes
NOW.
BYE.

the MAFIAA .... FA is FA and thanks.

YES. They are revealing themselves for what they are. Blood hungry corporate idiot whores in big blue suits well versed in the act of coercion and exploitation.

Witness the formation of MAFIAA!!!
I might add that that's a FINE name for you bastards too.
screw them.
SUPPORT FILESHARING.

GOGO arctic monkeys!!!

Ph34|2 the MAFIAA.

SO the other day I watched our school's intrepertation of "the Vagina Monologues". While the source material is awesome, I can't say that much about the execution though. The nice thing about it was that I met Lainie there. What a nice surprise it was. And Yes darling, your blog seems to be the only place i get my gig news from. Yes, I know that's kinda sad, but what can I do? My network's not that pervasive I guess.

So yeah. Note that I say i get my news from your blog, but more than half the time I don't go to the gigs mentioned :). Laziness possesses me at the worst possible moment. EVERYTIME.

In other news, there's this new website to go to if you need more musical input. It's called Pandora and what they've done is that they've used the principles and concepts of the Music Genome project and turned it into a online streaming RADIO. The applicaton analyzes your musical taste based on the artist or song you submit to it, analyzes the elements of the song, and then proceeds to assemble a list of songs that you might like based on your input. You can also provide feedback to the app, further refining the senses and analytical ... abilities of PANDORA.

2 words. FUCKING AWESOME. As always, i pray to digg.com everyday. :) You are my saviour.

here click
My blog really doesnt do this site justice. It needs to be out there. Spread the word yo people.

What's next? ah yes, Batman, Arkham ASylum, Serious house on serious earth.
FA!!!! (thats fucking awseome, not FireAngel, but you could argue that the acronym goes hand in hand with both phrases. FA is FA!!!. ha ha ha.)

Anyway. Yeah that book came with the original script and footnotes from Grant Morrison, the writer. my birthday present. YES thank you. I know it's kinda late but it's only now that I realize how awesome this year's present is!!!

TQ Yuanchang @ hayden
Kailun @ Karu
Jake @ Jake
Wanping@jazzmine
Yichen@kevin.

Whoever I might have missed out. :P
I realize you guys might never see this. It doesnt matter.
I'm very grateful.

Today I discovered another site with m4j0r pwn4g3.

Flash experiments.

I am SO glad I know of digg.com. Once again. :) :D XD

I guess that's all for today. I'm off to read advertising. tmr group discussion. yayness.
or maybe not.
My spirit of deligence doth betray me.

XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD

toodles.