Friends? what?

Ever wonder what it feels like to find out that most of your friends around you are just pretending?

To find out that yes, it's true, you're hated by more people than you know?

To know that the reason Bob and Jane refused your invitation was not because that they had a sick grandma?

I'm not sure if everybody gone through this, but today I went through it.

And... I'm pretty sad I guess, for a moment anyway. It prompted me to think. THink about how I have been aproachig life as an individual. Think about what should be said and when, or if I should even say them at all. Think, about the friends you have now and the friends that you thought you used to have, or maybe you never really had them at all.

What I can't understand is this.

If you dislike someone, why go through all the trouble to mask yourself and pretend that you're still 'ok' with that individual? To not hurt their feelings? Or for some sort of material gain? Or something else that I haven't really thought about? IF it is because of hurtng their feelings, what would that person feel if he found out through some other individual?

My personal viewpoint is if you don't like someone, you don't necsasary have to scream in their face, but don't go and wear a mask that has the words 'I'm your friend' written all over it just for some selfish reason, I just let said individual know my feelings, maybe not straightforward, but in an indirect way, I feel that it is the best way to show dislike towards other people without hurting their feelings. This is speaking, of course, from a purely friendship point of view.

So the business world gets exemption from this rule then? I don't know. I just think sometimes it's just too hard to see through people. I really don't like to dislike a certain person, but sometimes-and by that it usually means most of the tims-, it's not about me and me alone. I believe that throughout the year I've learned to be less of an asshole, I've been told that I speak to directly to the point, that mty tongue is too sharp sometimes, I've wondered for a long time, wether it was my fault that I spoke with words that pierce to deeply, or is it their fault that they can't learn to accept criticism.

I think that everyone needs to learn to accept criticism, and that the world....no... Malaysia needs to have a voice besides the government's voice. Is it the nature of our country's policies that have its people behave this way? Maybe I'm speaking for too many people, but what I really mean is those around me in my hometown, I really do think sincerely from my heart, that they need to learn to accept criticism, and then the other side of the story would be that I'm just trying to defend myself for speaking too harshly. I don't know. I realize I contradict myself too much. I'd shoot down my own thoughts a minute I've formed them in my head, or worse, said them out loud. But I digress.

So what? Whats the conclusion to this long, meaningless-to-everybody-else-but-myself kind of post? What is in the nutshell? I don't know. Maybe I've improved(as a person), maybe I'm a bigger asshole than before, maybe, maybe, and just maybe it doesn't realy matter at all.

After all.

Happiness is about how much you can turn a blind eye to.