Bioshock'd

Bioshock is a pc videogame supposedly being released soon.

The demo was released recently, and like most people, I couldn't really give a shit.

However, screenshots and trailers of the game proved it to be incredibly awesome.

But the thought of upgrading my PC distanced me form such midless pursuits. I'll stick to twlight princess and metroid prime 3 when it comes out.

That said, I found this incredibly awesome and sad.

love

I love writing here.

I do, though I may not update as much to show for it, but I do. I like pouring out words which have no apparent meaning, post rationalizing and convince myself that I'm a genius for coming up with said words.

I love the freedom to say what I feel here, with no consequences or effects, on the outside world. When I'm here I can be as irresponsible as I want to, as non-sensible as I want to, and as stupid or as narcissistic as I want to.

Here I can escape from being an adult for a while, stop growing up and start reverting time to when everything was more innocent.

I absolutely love love love it.

I love that my blog doesn't have any readers but myself.

Maybe that isn't true, but I certainly would not want my blog to become mega famous like kennysia.com or minishorts.com. cause thats when the shit hits the fan and you choose your path. Change or Die.

I like my friends reading it. Why I can't say for sure. It's a mixture of gratification because someone reads what you write, and ... well mostly that I think.

I don't really like my loved ones and family reading it.... not to say that friends aren't part of loved ones... but you oughta get whata Ima saying. Mostly because they're the harshest critics of me. I can't really be myself in front of family. It's such a burden. Maybe because secretly I despise myself, I hate who I am, but I have no problem showing it in front of other people, but in front of blood-relations I'm scared shitless. They're the most judgemental I suppose, of me I mean.

Or perhaps deep down inside me I know that I can never become what they REALLY want me to be. Most probably because it contradicts everything that I have built to define myself. No matter how much the monkey tells itself it's a swan, it can never become a swan, and in this case the monkey doesn't WANT to become a swan anyway. But other monkeys seem to want it to be so....

Argh a swan is a pretty bad metaphor, but I think I've had my say.

....

sigh.

day

Today i met Ivy again. It's been about 4 years seen we last saw each other. Boy has she changed. Well aesthetically lah at least. Instead of the jeans and T-shirt get-up I expected she showed up in a little black dress and heels. Instead of curly and clumsily tied together hair she had long, sunsilk like hair.

She still feels the same, except much wordier. Alot more things to talk about than I last remembered. T'was fun. Found out she wasn't single no more. tempus fugit. It seems like it was only yesterday that We were in form 5 class together. Well I suppose people do change in certain ways.

Was a terrible day. mostly because I slept so early and woke up so late. After seeing my brother off at the airport we went ate breakfast. We got home at about 8 am, and I slept til 330. If it wasn't for Ivy's phone call I'd slept til God knows when.

Played alot of zelda too. 18 hours into it. It's the best game I've played in a long time. Well second next to Wii sports maybe.

As I'm writing this I'm contemplating keeping a diary. Most because of the Sagmeister talk on monday. In which the strongest thing that struck me was "keeping a diary helps my personal growth."

Personal Growth.

mmmmmmmm

Also My visit to 95% for the copywriters Grad Show once again thought me how little I knew and how much I have to learn about advertising.

Now it seems like such a childish dream... working in the advertising industry.

But nontheless it's mostly what I'm going into. For what? Well mostly for the chance to do good work and the chances to move everybody.

I'll make it.

Right now I think I really should start keeping a diary.

the buildup

The buildup

Lasted for days

Lasted for hours

It all came through

My favourite thing

DO you see? what I mean.

The Buildup is so

anticlimatically insignificant

When you do see what I see, I implore you to come over here.

Into my citadel

and swing of the chandeliers.

can you see them? made out of glass, cheap plastics and fake diamonds

sparkling

Like 7up and coca cola,

Is it my future? You're swinging away?

Or do you jump, and land, maybe in a toilet somewhere.

and piss and shit.

...

The Buildup

is a band made out of only electrical guitarists

playing out of rhythm and sweetly complementing each other.

Like the monster at your door

scaring me away everytime I aproach it.

with hands bound by manikins

and feet tied to balls of steel

My balls are made of steel

the buildup.

Is quite a meaningless and inane piece of human emotion.

Honestly

Honestly I wanted it to continue, to live forever, to be burned into the hearts and minds of Malaysians everywhere that this one individual stood up to oppression, to censorship and for some of the Malaysian people.

Honestly I wanted people to take note, for the gahmen to realize, and maybe not change their ways, but just realize that yes, we are Malaysians too, just that we hate the administration that you're running.

I wanted many things, but now I think it's mostly gone.

This is a tribute to the man who stood up, had the guts to say what many of us feared to say, and a blow, an insult to the same man who did not stood his ground.

I hate the star.

If you're malaysian and your chinese, chances are you'll have seen, or at least heard of, the negarakuku video thats apparently causing an uproar and furore here according to the media.

The video created by Wee Meng Chee addresses some very interesting issues in our country today and further fortified my belief that loving your country and loving the government is not one and the same.

It's and interesting watch to say the least and the video has garnered it's share of supporters. It became a sort mini voice of the generation for us pitifujl Malaysian chinese, to say the least.

Today I went to thestar.com.my to find this article. Looking back now I can't say why I was angry. But I was and still am.

Probably it's because

a) it's what I consider a rather perposterous case of deliberate false reporting.

b) it crushes my admiration for the guy if this happens to be true

c) the article was probably referring to this blog post that he made on sunday.

Now if you ask me he has really nothing to apologize for. The government attempting to impose their brand of justice to me is just proof that our government relies on fear and lies to supposedly band our races together under the false banner of unity.

Malaysia today, if you ask me, is anything BUT unified.

This is pretty much true and I sincerely hope that things will improve in the future.

Said blog post that was made on Sunday, in my view does not come across as the humble, humiliating response to the governement's threats as the Star claims it to be. No where iun the blog post does he apologizes, claiming what he did to be wrong, or ask for forgiveness because, to him, and I'm sure to many people as well, he has done nothing wrong.

“To end the controversy, I will remove the video clip from my blog and I hope other bloggers will stop distributing the video clip,” says the star.

... what bullshit. The original video has long been removed and the ones popping up are posted by people who support the song.

“It has taught me a lesson about the spirit of nationalism and race relations. As a Malaysian, I did not intend to shame the country or ridicule any religion. "

....... I STILL FUCKING HATE THE STAR.

Then again, they were probably just relaying information given by 2 the Johor MCA Chairman Chua Soi Lek and....

hmm the boys father Wee An Hee.

Well guess this shows that I haven't read the whole article before writing all of the above. Well in that case in the oft-chance this happens to be true, just to tell you, Meng Chee that I have lost my respect for you.

My mind wants to believe that it's all a last effort ditch to prevent you from going to jail, and I.. really want that to not be true, but if it is.. then well..

sigh.

I hate our government.

:D

My short trip to 95% reminded me how little I knew about advertising.

I doubt myself for a while.

But what I can only do I do the best I can.

I'll show myself one day.