on....something that isn't love...yet

I've been meaning to write about this for a few days now. It's a matter of not knowing how to start, much like so many other things in my life. haha.

But one thing that did start this week, is the fact that I stopped being single. Apparently. And whats the implication of this seemingly life-changing experience for me? Aside from getting messages with the words love you an I in it, and replying them, I can't say that I feel any different.
Perhaps it's the distance. Been a while since I last saw her, and the last time I saw her she was still having that mental blockade about relationship of hers. Im sure there's a word or phrase to describe what I'm meaning to say, but I'm much too lazy to look it up on dictionary.com. So it's only been 2 days. Suppose I should give myself some more time before passing judgement on my feelings. Ah well, life goes on, just that from now on it's going to go on a little differently for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, at this point what I should be doingg is thinking about which ropes should be let to burn, and which ropes should be cut. Overall though, I'm happy with how things turned out. I told jocey(hmm, gotta think of something else to call you, that just sounds too cuddly-wuddly) a few moments ago about recent developments. And at the end of the conversation she was like "damn yeng la!", though I saw it as recklessness and irresponsibility on my part. I shudder to think what would have happened if things gone the wrong way, but that's just me shitting nonsense, when I made my move I already contemplated both the outcomes and how I would react to them. HER reaction though, has been very suprising and it feels like I'm being washed along the river by some strong, intentional current, along a river of conciousness that ... I dont know. Have no control over? You get my point.

Call me a cynic but as of now, I have.... bad visions of the future for me us( I guess). As usual, I'm hoping for the best and expecting much less. And though I may sound like an asshole now, I havent felt this happy since the day Endon died.