The obligatory emo post

I am bored and therefore I am writing another post on things I am pleased/not pleased about in school.

My design research lecturer is an uber geek. Well not geek as in glasses Yu-gi-oh playing lame geek, but as in cool, pseudo intellectual talk alot kinda geek, the geek whom every other geek looks up to -the el337-. Evidence, lecture this morning started with semiotics, jumped over to the "paradigms of the Matrix trilogy"(don't ask me) and ended with a rather digressive arguement about design needs and social and cultural subsidaries of palm oil, rubber and whatever the fuck not. And the day before he realted Tunisia with 'the place Episode 4 was shot. '

what? I asked casually.
A new hope, he answered casually.
Right. And from that moment on I knew this was going to be one HELL of a semester.

I am now, too drained of ideas to think of, or to write anything else besides what is now coming into my mind. A block, if you will. I am reminded now of an excellent quote my Idea Genration lecturer used a few days back.

"If you can't think outside the box", said he, "make the box bigger."

A damn fine quote if you ask me. In your face Donald Trump!!

SO what I'm doing now can be described as making the box bigger, but only if i knew how big was the box, and as of writing, no ideas yet.

So yes I'm a slave to education, for now, and I'm also a slave to art and visually interesting elements. The latter probably for the rest of my life, not that it's a BAD thing mind you.

Being a pseudo-artist it's easy to get caught up in arguememnts about art vs design. I'm sick and tired of this debate because it's been going on in my head for too long. It's one of the perils of stepping in to the real world. You realize how shitty everything is and tend to be a cynic. My path as an illustrator doth not shine brightly in front of me, but I do however, see myself going down the path of an artist.

30day artist? I only posted that comment not too long ago and yet now I'm having second thoughts. THis is SO not good for mental development and all that other schtick. I probably won't be able to make art professionally, not in Malaysia at least, but that's what dreams are. Things you know you probably can't achieve, not without divine intervention anyway.

That don't mean I'm not gonna work for this shit. I am. I believe I'm beyond whining and complaining about situations and then not doing anything about it. Time will tell wether I'm right or wrong, but as of now, what I think and feel are of utmost importance, or at least thats how I see it.

Damn, this is getting a little too long. Speaking of which, I think I'm going to start work now. All 3 of you who read this wish me luck yeah.

on....something that isn't love...yet

I've been meaning to write about this for a few days now. It's a matter of not knowing how to start, much like so many other things in my life. haha.

But one thing that did start this week, is the fact that I stopped being single. Apparently. And whats the implication of this seemingly life-changing experience for me? Aside from getting messages with the words love you an I in it, and replying them, I can't say that I feel any different.
Perhaps it's the distance. Been a while since I last saw her, and the last time I saw her she was still having that mental blockade about relationship of hers. Im sure there's a word or phrase to describe what I'm meaning to say, but I'm much too lazy to look it up on dictionary.com. So it's only been 2 days. Suppose I should give myself some more time before passing judgement on my feelings. Ah well, life goes on, just that from now on it's going to go on a little differently for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, at this point what I should be doingg is thinking about which ropes should be let to burn, and which ropes should be cut. Overall though, I'm happy with how things turned out. I told jocey(hmm, gotta think of something else to call you, that just sounds too cuddly-wuddly) a few moments ago about recent developments. And at the end of the conversation she was like "damn yeng la!", though I saw it as recklessness and irresponsibility on my part. I shudder to think what would have happened if things gone the wrong way, but that's just me shitting nonsense, when I made my move I already contemplated both the outcomes and how I would react to them. HER reaction though, has been very suprising and it feels like I'm being washed along the river by some strong, intentional current, along a river of conciousness that ... I dont know. Have no control over? You get my point.

Call me a cynic but as of now, I have.... bad visions of the future for me us( I guess). As usual, I'm hoping for the best and expecting much less. And though I may sound like an asshole now, I havent felt this happy since the day Endon died.

I don't give a fuck.

So I'm here. A week till school reopens, and when it does it's time to choose my major. Us Graphic students have 3 choices; advertising, illustration, and multimedia. I have doubts running through my head a few weeks ago but I've decided I'm just going to study what I like. Because although this may SEEM like a significant crossroad, I'm convinced that decision here will have little or even no bearing as to what kind of life I'm going to lead in the future.

Besides, surely there's nothing wrong in submitting to the passion of my life and letting things go along with the flow is there? In addtion...I would also like to enjoy my college life a little. hehe.

So here it is. Illustration.

Will I have a job that utilises my skills in the future? Will ANY of the things I've learned in college be applied to my future career path? Will I be living the life I've always dreamt of?

No, no, no, and most probably no.

Sad state of affairs this is going to be.

But I really couldn't give a fuck. I have a dream, as do every other aspiring artist studying in college, and although the contents of the dream... the visual aspect of it, haven't fully materialized yet, I am confident, that when and if I DO achieve this dream of mine, it will mean the pinnacle of my life and I can die a happy man.

So yeah, I shall view this major thing as a mere stepping stone in pursuit of my ideal. Call me an idiot, call me stupid, an idealist, a dreamer, whatever. I don't give a fuck. I will do what I want with my life, and though my vision into the future may be murky, I am confident, I am on the right track.

on pwnage.

Sometimes in life you think about what you wanna do in a few years time. OFten times during that time you meet,or hear or see or whatever into someone that you think has walk the path you are about to take, and that person, becomes superl337 to you and thus has MAJOR pwnage. Today is one such day for me.

I never get tired of looking at the works of freelancers.

Derek Yu.

Also lately I've pirating music by the SHITLOAD. Meera introduced me to something called soulseek, and after the usual port forwarding and shit, my collection of mp3's has expanded expotentially. so yeah. Im glad to have friends.

some other sites with major pwnage.

Banksy.
Drawn!
Amano.