music for the mood.

Suddenly, I thought of that time when you called me.
You just finished watching October Sky.
You were crying.

....Thinking of it now, I feel funny and sad at the same time.

Is there a word for that feeling?

...

I think I'll be fine.

Thanks everyone.

Thanks lyn. *hugs*

Me
i...
just fell for her quite deeply
12:41amMe
a bit too much. when i wasn't thinking about age everything elt so right
i know la im rather dumb
12:43amRae
mmm
can understand
12:44amMe
just being stupid la
fell for the wrong girl
12:44amRae
you're being in love lah
12:44amMe
very mch so
12:44amRae
get her back lor
12:45amMe
i kept thinking that until last friday
12:47amMe
she kept telling me she wouldnt even give me a chance.
well
she wont la
but for a while it felt like she was going to
12:47amRae
then dont persue
12:47amMe
then she bascially disenganged entirely
im probably not going to
or
im not going to
but in the back of my head
i still wish we could be together la
12:49amRae
hugs
12:50amMe
..... seriously (hugs) thanks for putting up with my shit
12:54amRae
its all good
and you're a dumby dumb
pick yourself up and dump yourself in bed
because you have a career to build from tomorrow on
12:58amMe
haha yeah...
im feeling alot better compared to last friday
thanks to beer, germany and other stuff
and you of course
(hug)
12:58amRae
awww
hus
-hugs-
12:58amMe
hus
12:59amRae
u know what else will make you feel better?
a shower and some sleep
12:59amMe
ahaha
i know
1:00amRae
u can axe the sleep.
1:00amMe
i think i'll be fine
1:00amRae
but trust me. the shower will be awesum
1:00amMe
dont tell me you can smell me from here
there*
HAHA
1:02amRae
i can sense the non-cleanness
and the suckling in bed all day-ness
*sulking
1:03amMe
hahha
i actually made it a point to be out of the house
cos too many things here reminded me of her
went for ping pong, then dinner etc
this was where we first kissed, then i had to send her home the next morning cos we forgot the time.
haha
1:04amRae
....
1:04amMe
lol
im finr
fine
sorry
i should go bath
1:05amRae
ha!
1:05amMe
thanks again, big sister.
1:05amRae
no problemo
be the best at what you do and all will fall in place
1:06amMe

i think i will miss her forever, i just wont be hurting that long

1:08amRae

1:13amMe
bathed!
1:13amRae
feel gooder?
1:13amMe
bester
she did call me alot more mature than guys my age.
1:14amRae
i have to run
1:14amMe
ok thanks
again
hugs
1:15amRae
driving someone home
1:15amMe
take care@!
1:15amRae
u be good sunshine
sleep well
nite!!!
1:15amMe
you too bug sis
big*
1:16amRae is offline.

Let me tell you about a story that ended before it began.

This all started 2 months ago, but that would be incorrect, because I don't exactly know when when it started, but started it did.

I broke up with my then girlfriend. I knew I wasn't going to marry her, I felt like I was stringing her along. Only staying with her because I was afraid of loneliness.

So for a while, I felt free. A great burden was lifted. I did what I wanted for a month. Enjoying life as it would let me. I remember going to watch Shutter island at a late night screening. It was alright I suppose. Coming out, and going into the lift was when I first saw her.

She mentioned that the Al Pacino scarface back in the 60's or whenever was a remake, then proceeded to ask her date: "Have you seen the original? Scarface 1932, man"

It was a weird scene. I could almost hear the penis of her date shrink back in. There was absolute silence in the elevator as I looked to her, then to her date, and then back to her again. I was struck by how pretty she actually was.

So it was, for a month or so. I gave the incident no thought. It was a Friday night, and I was out drinking alone for reasons not important to this tale, but there I was, sitting at the bar, pint of beer in my hand, listening to the horrible band performing live. They were butchering some of my favourite songs.

I really don't remember why I stayed on, but I did, and I saw a colleague of mine.

Temporarily stunned, I joined them at the table at the back, there were about three guys and a girl.

We talked, and drank. It was a fun night, until the girl mentioned that Scarface Al Pacino was a remake.

Okay, I told myself. That was weird. Haven't I heard something like that before somewhere?

So I jogged my memory, and proceeded to tell them how I heard that exact same conversation in a lift, somewhere before. How could it have been her? but it was. And that's how I met the girl in the lift.

A curious alignment of fate. She got my number, because apparently we both loved film, and she wanted me to explain what 2001 a space odyssey meant. I still thought nothing of this. After all, when she took down my number she was rather tipsy. I never thought she would call.

A week later, she called. Some arbritary reasoning about checking my facebook.Then I called.

She said okay to a film on Friday. I allowed myself to get excited, but that was before she told me she would be bringing friends of the male persuasion.

....RIGHT.

Okay, we'll still see how this goes right?

RIGHT?

It went well actually.

And everything after that went well.

...

I begun hanging out with her, she was definitely a nice person to be around. We were always on the same wavelength. It's been a while since I felt that connection with anyone, let alone a girl way beyond my league, and age range.

One day, I decided enough was enough of this shit.

I can't continue hanging out with her and still stay friends. Way too painful, and so not my style.

I don't know when, but I had fallen for her hard, fast and way too deep.

Then one night I asked her out. Nothing fancy, just drinks at the nearby mamak.

I kissed her.
She was shocked. I think she almost slapped me, but she didn't.

I told her how I felt. I don't think she gave me a response just yet.

Then she needed to use the toilet. She said the Toilet at the mamak was filthy, so I brought her up to the toilet at home.

We sat on the couch.
I leaned over to kiss her.
She gently pushed me away.
I kept on going.

Then she kissed back.
She said I tasted better than she expected.
I thanked her, and kissed her deeper.

.......

She said she doesn't know where this would go.
I said I didn't care.

Time flew. Time always flies when I'm with her.

Night became morning, and it was time to send her back.

I'll never forget the touch of her lips.

.........

A month later, she tells me we should stop doing this.

Said she never saw a future.

I asked her what was I to her.

The furthest she could go was "someone I like very much"

I don't know where it would have gone, but now that I look back, there could only be one ending to this whole thing, given her predisposition.

My heart being crushed.

.....

I'll never forget the girl in the lift, no matter how soon she left.

She was kind, but it didn't stop the hurt.

.....

It ended before it started, maybe I was a fool to let it go this far, but I don't regret a single minute of it.

The tears and pain remind me I'm still human.

And that this will pass.

Somehow.