its called fan-art.

The losing.

I'm back from London after 4 days, and it was great. I enjoyed my time there immensely, I got to meet 2 very nice guys who accompanied me for the second half of my 4 day trip, and became pretty good friends with them. I got to see all the things about London that I only read about previously. Like London Bridge, or Tower Bridge, or Big Ben, Buckingham and so forth. It was a nice trip and I'd like to do it again another time.

But the trip is not why I'm here now. It was great, but it's a story for another time. The time that is now, the present, is for far more serious things. Losing things, or lost things, to be exact.

waking up today, about to leave for school, I noticed that something was amiss. I didn't know what exactly, but suddenly I had the urge to look at my passport, since it is the single most important thing that I have in my possession. It's just that feeling, that if you don't get a good look at it you'll spent the rest of the day thinking about it. I didn't want that.

I turned my room upside down, my bag inside out, but no passport. That's when I started to panic, but seeing I had no choice, I left for school, determined that it would show up in my room eventually.

It's 0010 in the morning, more than 12 hours since I had that thought, and still it has yet to show up. I've made calls though, about 3 in the afternoon I decided that I'm not going to see it appearing in my room short of some miracle.

All I can do now is pray, and hope, and believe, and believe very firmly, I might add, that the single most important thing that was in my possession will return to me before I get deported as an illegal immigrant or something.

All we have to do is believe, and that which we desire, shall come.

I am the leaf floating on the wind.

That which floats down the river.

I am the Salmon going upstream.

I brave the rocks and the current.

We believe that which is said to be impossible.

That makes us mighty.

House/Serenity Firefly/unexpected gift.

So I just finished watching house episode 19 season 3, and boy did I enjoy it. Though some people might not agree with me,(hint hint..)
I watch house for soap opera 1st, medicine second. Ever since I started watching house during 95% I've been hooked and now my only regret is that... wait .. I have no regrets. I enjoyed every single episode mostly because of the characterization of House - as an arrogant sonnuvabitch modern day doctor version of sherlock holmes - and bad medicine doesn't really bother me.

In fact I remember asking a medicine school friend "hey what's an oncologist?".

I remember his response being something like "OMG WTF you've been watching house all this time and you didn't KNOE???".

Well not EXACTLY like that obviously, gotta give the guy some credit for not making feel too much like an idiot for not knowing the medical term ( he claims it's a general term) for "cancer specialist". ( Now thats a general term)

I've also watched Serenity lately and hot damn that was a good movie.


Rated no.1 sci-fi film of all time? oh yeah agreed totally. Firefly the most undeservingly canceled tv-series of recent memory? yeah probably. As in will probably agree after I watch the series. Seriously serenity and firefly have been written about so many times it's not even funny anymore. Anyone interested do yourself a favor and check out the show(s).

----

On a completely unrelated note, the other day I was walking around, and I walked into the school library, wanting to print out my booking confirmation for the London accommodation that I had booked. (very bad sentence back there)

I was quite surprised that the black and white printing services on offer was not free. In factit's quite obnoxious. Pretty much like the LKW computer room printing service, except even more so. Or maybe not. Fact is that it wasn't free, and I couldn't dump coins into it to make it print. I had to buy a printing card, which was a white long slender piece of plastic shit and then put money on it before I can print.

So I aksed around, and made my way to the machine which dispenses white long slender plastic pieces of shit and searched my pockets for change.

It needed 50pence for a blank card, and more for printing credit. These University blokes sure know how to rip someone off. I thought. Anyway I searched my pockets and all I had was 50p.

Damn. I remember feeling disheartened, and disappointed, and angry maybe, but nevertheless I walked away, thinking of coming out again the next day just to do this... or rather thinking that I don't want to do this, but I have to. Yes I'm lazy, and also because it's windy and cold.

As I was walking out the door, a black british african guy said to me " it's not working?"

" no, I just don't have enough change for the machine since..." then I rambled on and somewhere in the middle he said "Oh", and pulled out some coins, one pound gold nuggets no less, and showed them to me.
They're worth RM7 damnit!

Of course I was stunned, so I in turn took out my wallet and flashed my bling out a ten pound note and said "well this is all I have.."

I was of course, assuming that he offered to change my bigger note for some smaller coins, and I reacted accordingly, but apparently that was not the case.

"How much do you need?"
"10p, or 20p..."

He thrust a 50p coin in my direction and still stunned, I said

".........uhh.... umm... thank you?"

It caught me completely off guard and for me it was an extremely awkward moment, I even went so far to ask him if there was anything I could do to make it up to him. Of course in true gentlemanly fashion he brushed me off and said he just wanted to help.

I thanked him. Twice. The second time on my way out. I think that creeped him out a little. Or maybe not. In any case that really made my day. It wasn't a bar of chocolate, but it certainly made me smile all the way back to the dorm room. I regret for not having asked his name and I feel like I haven't thanked him properly, but I hope he hears this, one way or another.

This marks the first time someone has been nice to me voluntarily since I'm here. What can I say? It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Yeah it IS good knowing that well meaning people still exist.

WHEW this is getting really long. I should be getting to sleep now, tomorrow's a big trip to london. nights.

Bookie.

I've just booked myself a 3 night stay at one of the hostels in london.

I'm trembling with excitement oh yes I am....

It'll be my first trip traveeling alone... in a city where I know no one. This is a huge step for me... I feel like I've really outdone myself now.

I can't seem to contain my excitement...

oh dear.

haha.

And I haven't even bought tickets or anything to London yet.... nor packed nor planned any aspect of my trip.

But I'll guess I still have time. It seems like time is moving so slowly. hehe.

It's like having a earthquake inside your body. I guess now I understand where the phrase 'trembling with excitement comes from'.

I got 4 days.... Here i go.

Look out LONDON. Here I come.

funny.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

hey yuan cahng. hope ur reading this lol.

back back bcak

last published 17th of febuary. Thats more than one month! oh dear I've gotten lazy on blogging....
but now... now. noW!

Now that I have access to my blog, my email, and everthing else the stupid proxy initially denied me, I'm gonna blog, email and do whatever til the sun comes up, goes down, comes up, and finally explodes and turns into a white dwarf star!

Dear ABILITY TO BLOG.

You do not know how mch I've missed you, how I used to think while idle, "hmm, that would be an interesting thing to blog about." or " I MUST write about this"

But now that you're back, safely cradles in my arms, and awaiting the my next command, we shall resume this long delayed, much demanded, plenty needed trip down, down down into the dark corners of my mind where thoughts that no one should bear witness to reside.

It is time.... mwahahahahahahahahaahhaahahaha!

Take!
That!

Stupid!

Proxy!

I'm ok.

This is rather silly really.

I'm here, in my room. the block on my macbook says it's 8:26 am. But really it's 12.26am. I've become accustomed to reading local (birmingham) time using Malaysian time... that's cos I have the need to constantly know what time it is in Malaysia. That I know what time it is when my girlfriend is calling me.

I'm listening to some sappy acoustic love pop song streamed from wilson santoro I mean Santoso's blog. It's strangely fitting in accordance to how I'm feeling right now. A little sad, disappointed in myself, and a little depressed.

As I said, it's been a bumpy ride so far, and the beating, I took from my brutally honest half chinese lecturer certainly isn't doing much to help. I almost cried in the afternoon, and technically I did. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks, I desperately try to wipe them off as I made my merry way to the bus stop. I continued to be drenched in my own pitiful sorrow for the remainder of the journey home.

The glass door in front my flat showed me my own teary, watery eyes. I made my way into my room, and though I technically didn't cry, because I swallowed all the tears with even more sappy John Mayer songs.

I've been disappointed in myself because someone else was. Apparently it was quite a big disappointment for the guy, I could tell. He must've expected too much from me, or what he expected I failed to do. Or something. I don't know. Not anymore. Something like this happened on the 2nd week of class as well. I told myself the only way to stop this was to do work and not disappoint anyone next week. And yet I fail.

I'm emo. In case you haven't noticed.

I've got some ways to combat emoism. plans will be carried out this week. I've taken worse beatings than this. I doubt what I got today was worse than what Michelle gave me on the Trans-ormers presentation day. Or Janet's classic " Now that is bullshit presentation!"

My faults seem to be that I can't come up with arguments while being slammed at. Now that is a skill I would kill to have. Thoughts and ideas come later, and I strengthen myself with them.

I think I'm ok now.

least I'm not swallowing tears no more. :

Find my voice back. And slam back.... disagree or something. grow a backbone.

no comics for the time being. it's much too much of a hassle for me to post them, plus I got no time to do them anyway...

but I think I'll be posting ideas here....

anyone reading feel free to please give constructive feedback. :]
thank you.

expensive.

so it's been 1 month i've been here.

What can i say about it?

besides that its cold?

I'm having a pretty hard time adjusting to the schooling system here. Something I think is quite common for anyone who is going abroad alone. But friends are made, and they are made fast. So although it's been quite a bumpy ride, I think I will do ok :).

I mean, already I've offended more people than I should have.... so that's a start isn' it?
school's kept me up recently..... I'm experiecing a lack of resources in terms of journal producing facilities and tools. And it's frustrating.

I'm also regretting not bringing any a3 sketchbooks over here.... I'll be damned before I pay rm50 for 1. I'm sticking to a4 tq :P

As expected, everything here costs more... but that's not to sya that things here are more expensive.

NO NO NO NO NO.

They just don't sell the cheap stuff here.

looking for a 20p glue? out of luck... the one that they have is the uber £1.37 one.

looking for cheap blade or cutter? no way man.... here we do the £3.35 one... the super high tech won't break blade that resembles a scapel.

so things here aren't necessary 'expensive' persay....

there just no cheap things.

damnit.... but still....

£9 for a fucking A3 sketchbook.

go to hell la.....

I'm seriously thinking about going into the importing exporting art materials business.

I can't.

This sucks.

I can't check my mail.

Can't blog.

Can't log in to msn.

Can't do shit.

Why do I pay so much for the internet??

sigh.

I can't even check or post comments on a blog.

sigh.

night of the fourth

It's my last night here in Malaysia before I take off to UK to further my studies.

I feel.. relaxed somehow.... the trepidation, the anxiety, and the fear have all gone, it's like I'm in a state of constant peace, save for the bouncing msn messenger icon down at the dock, distracting me, and preventing me from concentrating fully on this post.

The critters have come out, ran around, and now master has reeled them back in, to be cooped up in pens and within fences, the borders of my conscious mind. Or perhaps they've just lost that spunk of theirs, I'll have to ask them what they do for stimulation later.

I'm standing now on the edge of the precipice of change, ready to take the plunge, or the flight, into where no jingwei has gone before. I believe I'm prepared, for the unknown, for the future, and for change.

I remember a few weeks back, when I was still in 95%, I came back for the weekend. Part of it was because I promised my girlfriend that I would be back, since she had a 4 day break.

I remember lying on the bed together, she was on my chest, as tears squeezed out of my eyes, and I turned over and hugged her. It lasted forever in my mind, me, thinking about how much I would miss her. She hugged me back in return, and I spent a good 10 - 15 minutes sobbing in her arms.

I don't feel that way anymore, though I know that I will miss her still, but now it seems I've numbed myself out, I think. I can tell myself I miss her without crying anymore.

On the edge of the end, I ponder no more.

This is it.

Now or never.

But as I end this post, editing some of the things that I wrote and cutting out others, never to be seen by anyone, emotions seem to want out of their confines. Slowly fear grips me, the anxiety comes back, and I wonder how the hell am I suppose to sleep now? It's already 2 in the morning. To my left, a gift she bought me, a journal, on the cover is the line " a piece of remember". Soft and tender it would sound if spoken out aloud. The flawed grammar contributes to it's charm. I click on the publish button, hoping that the people who read this will think that I'm at least being honest with my feelings. And I go to sleep, with the help of a harry potter book and dimmed lights.

Last post until I settle down in a new place of residence. New comic coming soon.