Saturday, January 13, 2007

Graduating


Should I feel proud? Should I be prideful? Yesterday I was the last one to be called up to receive the certificate for completion of training. Janet said she would save the best for last. I went up, I never did knew how to handle this sort of situation. When Janet asked for acknowledgment only CJ stood up, considering everyone else got at least 2, I think it was fair for me to be a little paranoid.

Then Peter came around, I talked to him and he told me I aced it. Apparently being called in last means you got the best grades or got the best marks or comments or something. I don't know. I honestly want to believe that everybody's takeout form this training was different. Everybody's experiences are unique, but being bestowed upon an honor like that... made me feel proud.

Sometimes I don't know how to keep little critters down and steady. They just jump up. Like they infiltrated the outside world without me knowing or some thing or other. Guess I couldn't hide it too well.

Wrote something yesterday morning before graduation.... wanted to post it up but the internet connection failed. Lost that post forever... I think it was something about anticipation or something. Didn't think it was that important. The post that never was. GJ tmnet.

Also, yesterday night I realized how utterly immature and childish and .... what's the word? ....... ahh.... Un-sensitive some of my words and actions were. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to Peter... I know that if he doesn't read this all will be in vain... but I'm too chicken I guess to say it out loud or proclaim it like a doomsday naysayer on the street. But I apologize for anything that I might have said yesterday that offended you, in any way possible.... because I can't help but feeling that I did, as I was lying on my bed looking sideways to the walls and thinking back on the night.

I think I'll copy and paste this to your blog... Just in case you don't see this.

But I'm Sorry.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

eyes and pieces.



Thinking back now, I find emotions to be weird things. It's like there's a these little gremlins and squishy things that live inside of us, and most of the time we want to keep them down, keep them hidden, because more often than not letting these little buggers come out will compromise a lot of things that we try to do.

But pressure builds up and eventually they'll have to come out.

My little critters pushed themselves to come out a few days ago.

They came. hard.

and I suppose I was knocked off my feet.

I couldn't speak, couldn't move, all I did was sit there, fluids flowing out of my nose and eyes. Making sounds I haven't made for a long time. Inside me, the earth shook and typhoons blew as the mountains i built with uneven stones came crashing down, destroying everything in it's wake, paving the land for a better, fresher, plan for not just mountains, but ...... well it's banjaran in malay, i'll need a few minutes to find out what the word is in english.( All I found was mountain range, I'm sure there's a better word for it, wish someone would let me know :P) But basically it's alot and alot of hills and valleys and mountains and peaks and maybe even slip in a grand canyon or two.


I feel a little better now, thanks to that. I'm just now picking up the first pieces of what I believe will be a construction of magnificent proportions.

It's amazing how powerful these things can be.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

2




" At least once every week. And by "once every week," I really mean "when I get a chance." And by "when I get a chance," I really mean never. " - maddox.

I said tomorrow. But the concept of tomorrow is really subjective isn't it? tomorrow on earth is different than tomorrow on mars, and even if the whole universe decided to follow on earth's tomorrow? There's also the problem of time being not necessary absolute right? Since every space and every piece of matter will have it's own time and time for everything flows differently.

Yes I'm just covering my ass for not posting another "webcomic" last week. heheh.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

new start

Some weeks ago i signed up for and attended 95% training's creatives in progress.

Some weeks ago I had never heard of the words "advertising strategy" or "psychographic moodboard"

I knew not the meaning of Advertising.

Some weeks ago I thought it was going to be a fun thing.

Some weeks ago I never knew that it was going to turn out the way it was.

Some weeks ago I had very different views on life.

Some weeks ago I knew not the meaning of fear.

Some weeks ago I knew not the meaning of fun.

Some weeks ago I didn't exactly know who I was.

Some weeks ago I thought I was a geek and that if I mentioned that I was currently addicted to Civilization 4 or Xenosaga episode 3 or Final Fantasy XII I would get looks and I would be judged and criticized.

Some weeks ago I hadn't met Janet.

Some weeks ago I hadn't met Peter.

Some weeks ago I hadn't met Summer.

Today is the 23rd of December. 2 days to Christmas, or to the politically correct people Today would be the 24th. Christmas Eve, But as far as I'm concerned today isn't the morrow until I've slept and wake up and see the rising sun.

Today is the day I say thanks, and acknowledge, and be honest about this. I love everyone I've met in the past 6 weeks. Thank you all for coming into my life.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

the pivot.


I'm so awesome. new one coming tomorrow.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Religion

Quite some time ago i discovered George Carlin. The comedian. The funny one, the athiest. HE had some particularly strong views about religion and god, and how it's a big load of bullshit. At that time I didn't thought much of it. I thought it was hilarious. I thought he was a comical genious to be able to present as scuh. His "invisible man in the sky" routine I was a big fan of.

Today I discovered Richard Dawkins. Or rediscovered I should say. Upon hearing the name I thought it was familiar. I wondered to myself, where have I heard this name before? His documentary, "the root of all evil" was on youtube, and like any other naive college student with a brain like a sponge, I clicked on it wihout hesitation. It would be some time before I realized that the very first time I heard or read about the name was a few years ago, when I had just finished MetalGearSolid2 and was reading the ending analysis to makesense of what many would agree to be a very confusing piece of interactive narrative. He was the author of "the selfish gene" and while I had not given it much thought then, I am now considering hunting for the book. According to what I know the selfish gene talks about evolution, not evolution biologically but culturally. The process of cultural evolution. memes and such.

Here he was on youtube discussing what he thought to be the root of all evil on earth. Religion.. Mind that it is not the first time that Richard Dawkins has tried to prove religion as uneccessary in the modern world. He did so once before in "the God delusion" or something like that. But recent events. Mainly the Sept 11th attacks and the g9 bombing and the war on Iraq has given him new ammunition to fuel his argument. As it stands, it is very persuasive and definately entertaining.

In his 2 part documentary he examines how religion can effect the logical and rational way of thinking, how it affects children if they were educated from a young age to believe because they were told to believe, how religious fanaticism has spawned more than it's fair share of death and suffering, and how it ultimately impedes the progress of mankind. Perhaps one could liken religion to the cultural revolution of China by Mao Tze Dong in the mid-20th century, if taking Mr. Dawkin's opinion to the word. Nevertheless, it remains interesting this battle between scince and religion, in a way to me it is much like the ongoing battle between Christianity and Islam, fundamentally speaking. Though clearly it is of a different stature.

Before this I haven't given it much thought, but both his documentaries reflect too much of my own opinion for me to ignore it. We as Malaysians have this "tak-apa" attitude. I think it is inherent in all of us, it is a scar caused not by various factors and a trait that was built on bloodshed, ethnocentricity and the delusion of harmony. What we are doing in effect is pressure cooking ourselves again. In the past the time bomb exploded. It would be known in history books as the May 13th incident. In the name of harmony our lips were sealed, our thoughts and opinions kept on lids. As said by my lecturer some weeks ago, "it's not something to talk about, something to debate or to question" The cultural wound it has inflicted upon our society is too great. Unfathomable. The government is run by fear, pride and racism. Fear of racist outbreaks once again, - and judging by the rate this country has progressed mentally, it is certainly possible - pride that their allged homeland will be taken over by foreigners, and the underlying concept of all the government policies - racism - . The citizens, even my parents, have succumbed to this fact and decided that there is nothing that we can do about it and our best bet is to hope that our children get sent overseas and hopefully the government policies will not be as strict there, although as sweet as it may sound it is of course, as any man opr woman with a sound mind will tell you, wishful thinking.

It really is hard to be patriotic when your country treats you like shit. for people like us, I think it's sad. We are too far away from our mhtherland to discern ourselves as of the same nation. My grandfather is from China, but I am obviously not of the same cultural group as my grandfather. We had severely different views and opinions on things in the country. We play the cards we are dealt. And the cards we are dealt are shitty cards indeed. If this were a game os scrabble we've had Qs and Zs and Ks and Xs but no vowels. Yet still we paly, because we don't have any other choice. We need to forge a better future for tomorrow, for our children, but then reality sets in and we realize, no matter how hard we try, we're not going to get promoted even if we work our asses off in social service, the majority of us are never going to be able to go to a government University, and our rights as citizens will suck. Maybe someone with a clear heart will stand up for us. Maybe in another 50 years it'll be different, but then again, maybe not.

Here's the video that sparked the insanely long post. Richard Dawkins, the root of all evil. on youtube. I hope it is as insightful to you as it was to me. And I still haven't mentioned that I've decided that I'll be an athiest form now on. damn that was long. hope it was an interesting read to anyone who would read it.

wry.

It's been sometime since the last post. But to my understnading I don't really have "constant readers", so I guess it doesn't matter. The last wek saw my purchase of my nintendo ds. I must say i haven't regretted one bit despite the sttep price tag, I've been playing it almost everyday without fail. So far Castlevania Dawn of Sorrow I have beaten and now I'm working on the last chapter of Phoenix Wright.

and now often i hearin my dreams. I really do like the writing and story in this game. I mean nothing gets better when a parrot has to testify for a murder case and all it says is hello hello, squak squak. seriously. nothing beats it.


It feels shitty coming to this blog emo. It's always like tht. But I don't see any other reason for existence for this lousy collection of thoughts. People would come by and say "man what a dork". SO yeah. It's emo city around here and now. Testifying parrot cheers me up. but not by much.

I wish I could say something meaningful or profound, but too bad i guess I just don't have it in me right now, and I have a feeling anything I say will come out cheesy and stupid. It's an inferiority complex perhaps. or something else. i don't know/ I'm not sure. I used to be different? I think? but maybe not. heh.

So i have this girl living next to my room. It's a big bitch. My god it's big, can't believe how big it~ is. Annoying the hell out of me. Every moment I don't have to see her face is bliss. Thank god she stays in her room all the time. I feel sorry for her boyfriend. And on that issue it's hard to know what the fuck her boyfriend was thinking when he went after her. But then it's not really my place to say it...

sigh. Lately life's been filled with alot of complicatinos. Both on the emo front and academic front. I am SO longing beaches and tropical tropical rainfalls now. SOmething to wash away the shit I've been coevered in. Cos I'll be damned if it isn't piling up. Yet us guys don't get the freedom to be unresponsibles unlike some certain girls.

I know I'm being sexist. So what? The saying goes, "there would not be waves if not for the wind." Causality bitches. It's just too bad right now there's no super herop to blow away the fucking wind with his super breath. It's a wonder how rude and inconsiderate some people can get. Yes. Until next time then. When i have more to rant about.

Friday, September 08, 2006

kagari.

Things have been... stable on the emotional front. Nothing much has broken off of developped in a while. For now I'm guessing tha's where it'll stay for a while. Not that it isn't a good thing, but i guess things have finally progressed beyond what some call "the period of hot love" or something like that. Go figure.

On the school side of things it's a little different. One and a half semesters in and I'm quite sure a wrong choice has been made regarding my field of study. But nho point switching now, stick through this and learn something from it, and move on next year.
It has beeen..... confusing to say the least.

I'm undecided as to where I should study next year, since dad pretty much said "don't worry about the money" I've been spoilt for choice. I need more time but there never is enough of it is there?

It has been said that this morning there was to be a quiz of some sort regarding copywriting. It was passed that it was to be "open-book" but that result did not come to fruition. Instead we were treated to the opposite. That being said, I didn't rally cared much for the test since it really invloved answer that required memorizing, so halfway through it I was done.

Then I started doing what I like to do best when there is a boring lecturer in class.



Straight from pen. eyes a little too close to the nose.. but other wise i think its ok. Aside from the fact that It's looks and feels nothing like kagari. My friend commented that i should give her big boobs cos she resembles lulu from final fantasy X.

Ikaruga is awesome. Not only is the game awesome, the art is awesome the music is awesome, it's a game that appeals to me on almost every level. Currently I can get to chapter 3 without continuing. I'm still working on those chains. Good luck to me I guess. For those not in the know, ikaruga is a shoot em up( affectionately known as aeroplane game in our vernacular) or vertical scrolling shooter develoopped by treasure. Google it if you're interested. With that ends another post in this not o frequently updated blog. heheh.

off to sleep.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

to blog?

OH NOES.
i havent updated in ages.
must be my girlfriend.

but i had a ton of things to write about.

I just didnt feel like blogging it.

nobody reads my blog anyway. :P

i had some thoughts

about life.
about love.
about school.
about art.
about the star.
about how sad i was when i realized the breath of fire series wasnt continuing.
about how superman returns pwned.
about global warming.
about the war in iraq.
about bush and shit.
about politics in malaysia.
about digg.
about the death of a friend a few days back and his funeral.(....maybe i WILL write about it sometime.)
about a dozen other things i've either forgot or didnt really cared about too much.

They're all gone. And I don't really miss em too much.

SO in the end i guess this blog will be dedicated to the things that piss me off the most and these little buggers.

i made loads of mistakes i know.
I know the boobs look funky.
the hair tones are horrible.
and i think her neck is too thin/thick(i can't decide)
too bad.
i think it's finished, but on the other hand i don't think so....
i can't decide, and the bloodstains are killing me.

I'm not working on this anymore.
I'll start something else soon.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

to blog or not to blog?

I'm not a blogger.
I'm not a blogger.
not anymore.
Not since the advent and expansion of the term "blog".

To blog means to write your thoughts opinions daily life dairy journal experiences photos names shit and what not on a magical template possible because of the rise of web 2.0 technologies.

To chronicle ur thoughts and words.

TO write.

Blogging is the new journalism.
It's the new dairism.
its the new expressionism.
Or maybe it's all just a bunch of idiots getting together and acting silly.
Maybe What i've done up till now is all shit.
nevertheless i intend to continue.

cos mine is not a blog.
it's an unused free space on the internet given freely by servers because i dont know why to the public, and opver time it's become sort of my sanctuary or something.I dont know.

I only know I'm not thinking straight today.

It's all so sudden. And i'm not sure how to react, at times lke these it's best to shut your pie hole but I don't think i'm able to do that. It's been 3 months and 15 days but thats not what I'm talking about, maybe it's been 2 days, or 3 , or 4 or whatever.

As I said, at these times its best to shut up, but thats not in my nature. My nature would be tot alk about it non stop and then perhaps piss somebody off then feel sorry about myself, and yes thats exactly what I have done.

3 1/2 months is not a very long time, but i think this is going to work out, for some reason or other. Wishful thining i suppose, but better than no thinking, or maybe no
thinking is what i wanna do but cant right now, thats why I'm hammering away aimlessly at the keyboard. BEcause I'm confused? Did'nt I foresee this sometime back? Yes and this is exactly how I'm reacting, perhaps i even predicted myselof blogging but thats not it.

Yes I, me , myself, jingjingwei, jingwei jing2wei jwei big jing Y0u Ar3 SO FUCkING PREDIctAble!!!

Here I am hoping that you end with the worst possible ending but I hope I dont get fucked up and do something overly predictable that I didn't even predict it in the first palce.

I am me.
Yes.
This is me.
COnfused collaged yet loved.
for that I'm grateful.

wtf.
IM not even making sense.
Congrats for reaching the bottom of this insanely inane post.

heres a few pics to spice up your life.