friendster trends.

IT's been a while since I did anything on friendster. TOo many annoying trends these days. What with one sentecne testis(haha) and "lets add everyone who's viewed my profile" and other such bullshit.

So it kinda surprising to receive 2 honest to god testimonials today. haha. Why am I blogging this? I don't know. I can't explain. It feels like something that I should remember perhaps. Or perhaps it restored my faith in friendster or whatever. But it's always fun to receive and approve GOOD testimonials.

Those that add spice and character to your profile. NOt those happy birthday i miss you shut the fuck up kinds. :)

Been pwning loads of people lately. It's taken a long time but I finally dont feel like an amatuer in dota anymore . XD.

Anyway. Very lagging behind in work
should start now.
Ah. Fuck. This. Laziness.

Fuckin. hell.

START!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *thump*

Im so dry. drained and dry. not as in water but as in mentally. that or i'm not trying hard enough. I seriously hope its the former. cos im lazy as hell now. sigh.

So our assignment was to do a CV. curriculum vitae. A creatice one. One that isnt supposed to be a piece of paper but in fact a 3d object. And this started what? 5 weeks ago? and now.... I still don't have a concrete idea. it's 2 weeks to submission and i Don't have an idea! or ideas. or whatever. I just can't think anymore :).

My first "good" idea was a coconut.


Coz coconuts, as most self-respecting 13 yr old will tell you, are round, delicious, and full of water which is good for you. And also they're among the most useful plants around. Everything from the leaves, to the trunk, to even every part of the fruit has a use of some sort. Though some of those uses aren't as popular as it was oh say.. a few hundred years ago...(i.e leaves as roofs for houses). It remains, nontheless, a plant of many uses.

And then I had the idea of using a magnet to represent myself. The idea was that a magnet is asociated with pulling stuff together. So in this case "stuff" as it would be are people, ideas, etc. SO i find that a rather interesting prospect, though in retrospect it does not seem to be a very good idea. So later I abstracted the coconut and came up with a swiss-army knife instead. It is, I think a much better representation of versatality and resourcefulness, though I did had an idea of a sculpture with muliple hands stucking out of it... But i suspect it will not be a hit with my creative director :).

So now I have......

Resourcefulness + attraction of ideas

I'm missing something. But what?
Tutorial's tomorrow and I still have time to blog. hahahahaha.

IN other subjects, I've chosen leetspeak as a topic for my design research case study endeavor. Interesting, to say the least. But how would I tackle the problem?

Problematic for sure :)

Work work work.

4$$!gN?/\/\3n+5 pwN$njoo n00b.

Try.

This shit is getting tiring.
It's not even my problem.
Why the fuck do I care so much?
I tell myself it's because i'm afraid for her.
I've been telling myself that for days.

Do I really?
Or am I just selfish and stupid?
This is fucking fire we're playing with here.
and not just embers either.
This is forest fire potential shit.

Saying that she needs to get burned is so cruel.
I don't want it to come to that.
Fucking hell.
I shouldn't even care.
But i can't stop myself.

I dont think its a good idea.
I really don't.
But the hole's a little too deep already.
And there's always a chance that she WON'T get burned.

What the fuck. What the fuck man.
I should be worrying about other shit.
But I'm not.

Tis a most troubling situation.
I don't see the light at the end of tunnel.

I still turn the pages with great interest.
But I can't be just an observer.
Though intervention doesn't exactly seem like it's going to help.
I still turn the fucking pages.
I turn it with fear and trepidation.

Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you got.

I forgot who said that, but it seems like an appropriate quote to insert here.
And if you're reading this.
Note that this applies to both you and me.

Maybe you DO need to get burned.
would it make you feel better if I didn't care?

random thoughts

I did love.
I do Loves.

Free will is an illusion.
I follow the story of my life with great interest.
A book of unknown origins.
Flipping the pages full of sand and dirt.
Unbeknownst by anyone.

A Tale draws forth, form the rust of it's pages.
An interesting tale for sure.
But What is this?
This tale of old gods and old emotions?

Strikes a string, it's note rings true.
Doth resonate, with an ancient melody.

A tale springs forth, from the edges of my book.
And I say to myself.

"these are tiring times, indeed."

This tale I will follow.
With great interest,
ever hollow.

I use bit torrent for academic research.
How bout u?

Remembrence

2am. Smashing pumpkins. Having loads of shit going through my mind now. Thought that I should put down my thoughts now before I forget them.

So today has been a pretty eventful day. An friend confided in me about her feelings. This friend here, has a not-so-pretty story with me a while back. The lovey-dovey kind of story. Her confidence(?) in me pretty much shattered any hopes of me and her ever getting together, in the near OR far future. Lately it seems that fate has been smiling down on her. The same way it smiled down on me a month ago. It's a vicious cycle. This "boy-girl" thing. For some reasons I'm getting more and more secrets to keep and though I don't ever resent a good gossip, this particular one has a strange, yet expected feeling on me.

So perhaps we've become closer. But it's almost always momentarily as these things usually go. I think back about missed opportunities, forked roads and my own stupidity. Would things have been different? I guess it boils down to having a chance and then blowing it. It's taken 2 more years for fate to smile on me again, and this time I caught the smile, with yellow teeth barring my tongue.

After tonight I plan to keep it there. For as long as it will stay there. Nobody knows what treasures and traps the future might hold, but as of now... I guess I'm pretty content with what I have. I should be fucking GRATEFUL for waht I have acually. Kneel down and thank the gods a hundred times over in fact. So goodbye, o sweet memories of days gone by, perhaps I shall be visiting thee, though only as an observer, no longer a participant. And fare thee well as well(lol), old felings and emotions. I cast thee down into the bowels of mental-no-return. Never to return again(lolx2).

OH and I've switched to advertising from illustration. Test on friday. I'll not study now, I'm of to read NANA. haha.

Turbulence is the name of the game for his week.

So imblogging at the top of my head while im cleaning my room, adding the finishing touches on my illustration, listening to music, chatting on msn, and all the while counting down to the 12th strike of the clock, cos thts when I'll make my call. :)

I remember a while back writing about my determination, conviction, and trust in the choice of major I have chosen at the start of this semester. Three weeks in I find the confidence that shined so brightly beginning to fade, giving rise to the feeling of regret and foolishness of my choice. Not that I'm being weak-minded of my choice, but what I'm learning here and now is not exactly what I expected myself to be learning. Storuboarding sucks, for sure, I have a more keen interest in developing images, artistic, advertisic(?) or otherwise. I wanted to develop a personal style that the others could identify with. I realized that an illustrator is the furthest thing from an artist there is .. on the artistic side of things at least. Or perhaps I'm losing confidence in the ability of my school to teach me what I wanted to learn at first, and after much contemplation decided to learn what this school teaches best, based on the things i have witnessed and observed so far.

It's weird to say this now but I find marketing strategies and consumer behavior a much more interesting topic than learning how to storyboard. But today there was a demonstration on the italic pen that krekindled my interest in the art of illustration. But if this was comics, "do I want to be the writer, the artist or the letterer?" would be a valid question to ask myself at this point.

Chinese horoscopes predicted that those under the sign of the tiger would have a very productive year, but apparently that productiveness will be met with much turbulence in convictions, beliefs and choice. At least according to what has been happening so far.

My girlfriend(i use the term loosely, cos although i suspect the chemistry between us to be real, i suspend my judgment til the time i meet her in person) will be coming here tomorrow. And I've just finished cleaning(loosely used as well) up my room, in preparation for the visit. Perhaps she will be able to shed some light on a truly frustrating situation right now.

In the end, I ask myself, what do I love more? The art of presenting or the art of creating visually stimulating images? I plan to become an artist no doubt. Recent talks and discussion with certain individuals have already convinced me that it is possible. Or perhaps I shall follow the advice of gapingvoid. I don't know. I simply don't anymore. I hate regretting choices. But something just told me that perhaps life IS about regretting choices. =/

The obligatory emo post

I am bored and therefore I am writing another post on things I am pleased/not pleased about in school.

My design research lecturer is an uber geek. Well not geek as in glasses Yu-gi-oh playing lame geek, but as in cool, pseudo intellectual talk alot kinda geek, the geek whom every other geek looks up to -the el337-. Evidence, lecture this morning started with semiotics, jumped over to the "paradigms of the Matrix trilogy"(don't ask me) and ended with a rather digressive arguement about design needs and social and cultural subsidaries of palm oil, rubber and whatever the fuck not. And the day before he realted Tunisia with 'the place Episode 4 was shot. '

what? I asked casually.
A new hope, he answered casually.
Right. And from that moment on I knew this was going to be one HELL of a semester.

I am now, too drained of ideas to think of, or to write anything else besides what is now coming into my mind. A block, if you will. I am reminded now of an excellent quote my Idea Genration lecturer used a few days back.

"If you can't think outside the box", said he, "make the box bigger."

A damn fine quote if you ask me. In your face Donald Trump!!

SO what I'm doing now can be described as making the box bigger, but only if i knew how big was the box, and as of writing, no ideas yet.

So yes I'm a slave to education, for now, and I'm also a slave to art and visually interesting elements. The latter probably for the rest of my life, not that it's a BAD thing mind you.

Being a pseudo-artist it's easy to get caught up in arguememnts about art vs design. I'm sick and tired of this debate because it's been going on in my head for too long. It's one of the perils of stepping in to the real world. You realize how shitty everything is and tend to be a cynic. My path as an illustrator doth not shine brightly in front of me, but I do however, see myself going down the path of an artist.

30day artist? I only posted that comment not too long ago and yet now I'm having second thoughts. THis is SO not good for mental development and all that other schtick. I probably won't be able to make art professionally, not in Malaysia at least, but that's what dreams are. Things you know you probably can't achieve, not without divine intervention anyway.

That don't mean I'm not gonna work for this shit. I am. I believe I'm beyond whining and complaining about situations and then not doing anything about it. Time will tell wether I'm right or wrong, but as of now, what I think and feel are of utmost importance, or at least thats how I see it.

Damn, this is getting a little too long. Speaking of which, I think I'm going to start work now. All 3 of you who read this wish me luck yeah.

on....something that isn't love...yet

I've been meaning to write about this for a few days now. It's a matter of not knowing how to start, much like so many other things in my life. haha.

But one thing that did start this week, is the fact that I stopped being single. Apparently. And whats the implication of this seemingly life-changing experience for me? Aside from getting messages with the words love you an I in it, and replying them, I can't say that I feel any different.
Perhaps it's the distance. Been a while since I last saw her, and the last time I saw her she was still having that mental blockade about relationship of hers. Im sure there's a word or phrase to describe what I'm meaning to say, but I'm much too lazy to look it up on dictionary.com. So it's only been 2 days. Suppose I should give myself some more time before passing judgement on my feelings. Ah well, life goes on, just that from now on it's going to go on a little differently for me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, at this point what I should be doingg is thinking about which ropes should be let to burn, and which ropes should be cut. Overall though, I'm happy with how things turned out. I told jocey(hmm, gotta think of something else to call you, that just sounds too cuddly-wuddly) a few moments ago about recent developments. And at the end of the conversation she was like "damn yeng la!", though I saw it as recklessness and irresponsibility on my part. I shudder to think what would have happened if things gone the wrong way, but that's just me shitting nonsense, when I made my move I already contemplated both the outcomes and how I would react to them. HER reaction though, has been very suprising and it feels like I'm being washed along the river by some strong, intentional current, along a river of conciousness that ... I dont know. Have no control over? You get my point.

Call me a cynic but as of now, I have.... bad visions of the future for me us( I guess). As usual, I'm hoping for the best and expecting much less. And though I may sound like an asshole now, I havent felt this happy since the day Endon died.

I don't give a fuck.

So I'm here. A week till school reopens, and when it does it's time to choose my major. Us Graphic students have 3 choices; advertising, illustration, and multimedia. I have doubts running through my head a few weeks ago but I've decided I'm just going to study what I like. Because although this may SEEM like a significant crossroad, I'm convinced that decision here will have little or even no bearing as to what kind of life I'm going to lead in the future.

Besides, surely there's nothing wrong in submitting to the passion of my life and letting things go along with the flow is there? In addtion...I would also like to enjoy my college life a little. hehe.

So here it is. Illustration.

Will I have a job that utilises my skills in the future? Will ANY of the things I've learned in college be applied to my future career path? Will I be living the life I've always dreamt of?

No, no, no, and most probably no.

Sad state of affairs this is going to be.

But I really couldn't give a fuck. I have a dream, as do every other aspiring artist studying in college, and although the contents of the dream... the visual aspect of it, haven't fully materialized yet, I am confident, that when and if I DO achieve this dream of mine, it will mean the pinnacle of my life and I can die a happy man.

So yeah, I shall view this major thing as a mere stepping stone in pursuit of my ideal. Call me an idiot, call me stupid, an idealist, a dreamer, whatever. I don't give a fuck. I will do what I want with my life, and though my vision into the future may be murky, I am confident, I am on the right track.

on pwnage.

Sometimes in life you think about what you wanna do in a few years time. OFten times during that time you meet,or hear or see or whatever into someone that you think has walk the path you are about to take, and that person, becomes superl337 to you and thus has MAJOR pwnage. Today is one such day for me.

I never get tired of looking at the works of freelancers.

Derek Yu.

Also lately I've pirating music by the SHITLOAD. Meera introduced me to something called soulseek, and after the usual port forwarding and shit, my collection of mp3's has expanded expotentially. so yeah. Im glad to have friends.

some other sites with major pwnage.

Banksy.
Drawn!
Amano.